My first novel, “The Infallible Heart of Andy Tiernan” is
now available in e-book format through Amazon.
In fact, it is ONLY available as an e-book now. The reason, I am self-deprecatingly proud
to say, is because over the last year I have sold exactly 0 copies in soft
cover. I know, quite an achievement! So
before I beg, plead and implore you all to buy my book, I thought I would start
out by saying why you should NOT buy it.
For starters, it’s not exactly a crowning achievement in
literature. It’s a small book that
most people can read in a few hours and chances are that it won’t change your
life or provide any deep insights into the universe. When you compare it to other books out
there, it kinda falls short. I’m not
talking about comparing it to the classics or even those trashy romance novels
that people sell at garage sales for 5 cents.
Even compared to those books, mine doesn’t quite measure up. Believe me, there are times when I finish
reading a good book and think, “Holy, I have absolutely no talent!” But then, once in a while, when someone tells
me that they enjoyed my book, it gives me a kind of glowing delusion that warms
my soul and keeps me typing away.
That kind of encouragement is what we struggling artists
live for. But even beyond that, beyond
the soul crushing revelations that I haven’t quite found success yet is the
fact that this little book is dear to me.
It wasn’t the first book I wrote and I didn’t write it with any grand
purpose or message attached to it. In
fact, I wrote most of it in long hand, on a pad of legal paper. I wrote it when I was all alone, summoning
all the muses if not for inspiration, then for some company. I
was, like Zack, lonely and looking for something to cheer me up. I wanted to write something a little funny and
a little sad and something that would make some people smile. Pathetic really.
But here’s the part when I ask you to buy it. First
off, it’s only 5 bucks. Like I said, it
will only take a few hours to read and there may be some parts that will make
you laugh, or forget about that jerk in the office or how you should be
vacuuming or cleaning the bathroom instead of just sitting there reading. You can read it on any reader or computer or ipad
or smart phone (the link for the Kindle app will be posted below). If you buy the book, I’ll be forever
grateful, I’ll name one of the characters in my new book after you and I’ll
include you in my evening prayers. All
that for 5 measly bucks!
Now that I’ve begged you to buy it, I have another favor to
ask: please tell a friend about it. Back when the softcovers were flying off the
shelves (total sales: 7 or 8) some of you lent it to a friend… and that’s great,
but it kinda rips off the poor author when you do that. So as an e-book, you can just tell your
cheapskate buddies that they have no excuse because it’s only 5 bucks! Then, hopefully they’ll tell a friend and so
on and so on and then before you know it, I’ll be famous and you can proudly
say, “I knew that guy back when he took my phone calls!”
Even beyond that, if things do take off, you can proudly say
that you were a part of it all. You can
say that you helped make it a success.
You won’t forget something that… I know, because I never will forget
what you did for me either.
Since I’m here, I might as well thank my friend Dave for
designing the new cover. I really like
it and I think you will too. And another
special thank you to my friend who bought the book, never read it, but was still
kind enough to give me a glowing review on Amazon. It’s that kind of insincerity that makes a
true friend!
So there you go, a special plea to make this book a success
so I won’t lose all hope and stop writing forever… cursing all of you for
dashing my hopes and sending me into a downward spiral of drug abuse,
alcoholism and self-loathing. No pressure.
Here’s the link:
And here’s the link for the Kindle app so you can read it on
anything electronic (except for things like, I dunno, a lamp. But who knows, the way technology is taking
off nowadays, maybe someday you can even read it on your toaster. If that ever happens, remember where you
heard it first.)
