Many of us who have jobs are frequently required to interact
with individuals who are most often known as, “that prick.” “That prick” can also be described as, “that
douche bag.” They are easily
recognizable as they can be heard defending their rotten natures with
statements like, “I’m not arrogant, I’m confident.” As you and I know, people who are confident
never feel the need to declare that they are confident… they are just confident
and therefore can remain silent about it.
So we’ve all known that individual and wanted to punch him in the mouth
on a few occasions and possibly wished him harm in the form of a runaway bus
“accident” or tragic combine “mishap.”
We are fully justified in those feelings so don’t let me catch any of
you feeling remotely guilty about it.
With that being said, isn’t it interesting that most of the
time “that prick” turns out to be a guy.
Sure women at work can be all sorts of things that can begin with the
letter B or in extreme cases, the letter C, but for the most part, “that prick”
is a dude. It’s just not right. And how come only male children born out of
wedlock are called bastards and illegitimate girls are not? So with that revelation in mind, I declare
that women are getting short changed in the world. Something needs to be done to even things
out! Instead of forcing women to become
“that bitch”, we need some other field where women can dominate.
I know that I speak for everyone when I say that all jobs
that require uniforms should now be done only by women. There are many vital fields that provide
lifesaving services like police, fire fighters, doctors, nurses and sexy
librarians… it’s time that we realize that those functions should be done by
the people that can do the jobs the best.
Perhaps there are some of you (those who hate women and are
violently opposed to equal rights) who will say, “What if you were trapped in a
burning building? One single woman might
not be able to carry you out of there.”
That’s true but I’m sure 2 or 3 women could manage it quite easily and I
am quite willing to practise that with them in order to save lives. It’s time we stop making flimsy excuses in
order to keep women oppressed!
In fact, this is an issue that goes beyond women’s rights;
this is about working together to affect positive change in our world! Our whole attitudes would change overnight
if only women were allowed in uniform wearing positions. Right now when we get pulled over by the
cops, we are filled with dread and panic, scrambling for our license and
registration. We could instead be
scrambling to smooth out our hair and find a breath mint. No longer would we view authority figures
with disdain and distrust! We could be
viewing them with… well heck, we could be happy just viewing them. Which of course brings me to firefighter
calendars: finally there would be a real and viable reason to buy them!
Oh sure, some of you (those same women haters) will accuse
me of being sexist by suggesting that all of these jobs should be done by
women. Nothing could be further from
the truth! You say that men can do
those jobs too. Sure, so you can
objectify those poor guys with your lurid thoughts! I’ve seen you women gathered around fire
trucks! Shame on you! Let’s face it, men
are unreliable, lazy and downright stupid.
Do you really want us to be responsible for your lives? Of course not. And
while men are dominating the whole “that prick” field, which just isn’t fair, I
say that women should rise up and take over all positions that require uniforms
to even things out. I would never want it said in this day and age
that we are content to accept inequality and oppression. Plus, with any luck, “that prick” will get
pulled over by a policewoman and as soon as he opens his mouth, she tazes him
to death. It’s OK to dream.
